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When the one you love dumps you and you did not see it
coming, it feels like the end of the world. ~Magi Aata
Recently, a woman friend in her early 30’s asked me how to
get rid of a lover she had determined was no longer good for her. She had
determined that their connection had no future. She needed a way out.
I thought about the women I knew when I was single that I
had to excuse. I shared with her my daring secrets for how to actually dump a
woman when I found it necessary.
- Ignore them and act as if you do not know them.
- Email your lover saying, “I am being arrested for murder. Police may come looking for you. Run.”
- Text your lover saying, “Drug deal went bad. They are coming for me. I told them my boyfriend would be handling them.”
- Show up at your lover’s door and say, “I should have told you before we started having unprotected sex. I cannot hide this from you anymore. I am HIV Positive.”
- Call your lover and demand that you get married immediately because you are pregnant from a one-night stand with someone else.
- Plan an expensive date your lover will pick up the tab for and do not show. Call and say sorry, you forgot.
- Go to your lover’s job. Scream going off the deep end complaining about their drug addiction.
- Tell them after a lot of thought; prayer and meditation, you are going into the convent.
- Get a restraining order, or
- You could tell the truth.
If none of that works, I told her she could what my first
heartbreaker did to me. The letter arrived early May 1971 while I was in Basic
Training at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas. The letter read.
Dear Oscar:
You are gone for a month. I have had time to think. I am
supposed to enlist in the Air Force in two weeks as we planned so we can get
married and travel the world together.
I make this quick. I changed my mind. I do not love you
anymore. I am sorry.
Pam
The best-case scenario to end a relationship can happen in
person. If you are done, inform them you are done. Move on.
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